'If you really saw a future with me you'd be willing to invest': Girlfriend $9,000 in credit card debt asks boyfriend to cover her expenses when they move in, he refuses and reconsiders the relationship

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 10, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Credit card debt can follow someone nearly forever. Finances in general are a huge factor in life, and unlike math and science, they don't teach this kind of stuff in school. Though you may be stuck learning about Henry VIII and his infamous wives in class, or what a nucleus consists of, maybe they should be teaching about how to do your taxes, or what a mortgage even is. 

Besides financial literacy in oneself, it's important to choose a partner that shares the same financial mindset and expectations as you do. Choosing someone with a flakey or inconsistent financial record is terrifying. I've always had the privilege of dating a partner with a good financial record, and also generous. Lads, I'm sorry to say, but many women still expect you to financially provide for them, or at least treat them. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a financially responsible man. He wants to move in with his girlfriend, but he's weary due to her credit card debt. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to help my girlfriend pay off her credit card debt before we move in?

    Couple looking at a home.
    via interstid / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I'm 30 and my girlfriend's 28 here is my dilemma. So we've been together almost three years. Things have been good overall. We've talked a lot about the future and
    via Reddit
  • 03
    were planning to move in together soon like actively browsing apartments kind of soon. Then last week she tells me she has around $9,000 in credit card debt. I didn't
    via Reddit
  • 04
    know about it before. I asked why she didn't mention it earlier and she said it was embarrassing and she thought she could get a handle on it before it became our
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  • 05
    problem. But here's the thing now she wants to delay moving in unless I'm willing to help her pay it down. She floated the idea of me
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  • 06
    covering like $300-$500 a month to speed things up but I told her I wasn't comfortable with that.
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  • 07
    I don't have any debt. I worked hard to stay that way. I've had my own money struggles so I've always been careful with spending. And
    via Reddit
  • 08
    while I don't mind helping out here and there in a relationship I don't think it's fair to expect me to take on someone else's financial mess
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  • 09
    especially before we even live together. She said I was being unsupportive and that if I really saw a future with her I'd be willing to
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  • 10
    invest in us. But to me that's not what this is. It feels more like I'm being asked to bail her out and I'm just not okay with that.
    via Reddit
  • 11
    Now things are awkward. She's barely texting back and when we talk, she's cold. I feel like I'm being punished for setting a boundary. But I also don't want to start living
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  • 12
    together on the wrong foot feeling like I'm financially responsible for her past choices. So... AITAH for the choice that I made?
    via Reddit
  • 13
    Symbolism of debt and Benjamin Franklin denoting a $100 bill
    via DNY59 from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    bloatedflounder01 • 12h ago Run
    via u/bloatedflounder01
  • 15
    DustOne7437 • 12h ago NTA. This is a problem SHE created. You are not her personal checkbook.
    via u/DustOne7437
  • 16
    Cultural-Ambition449 • 12h ago Her debt, her responsibility. Twisting things to make you the bad guy here isn't a good look. NTA.
    via u/Cultural-Ambition449
  • 17
    jrm1102 12h ago NTA - I think you need to be honest with yourself here • do you think she's using you?
    via u/jrm1102
  • 18
    A lease agreement that has ominously yet to be signed.
    via designer491 from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    . • do you think shes being honest about her finances because you guys are taking the next step in your relationship and she sees a future with you and she legitimately needs help to take that next step.
    via u/jrm1102
  • 20
    Its not entirely clear from your post which this is. But you wouldnt be an AH either way and ultimately she is responsible for her own debts.
    via u/jrm1102
  • 21
    Complex Subject_803 • 11h ago I paid off my girlfriend's credit card before we got married. 5 figures. I couldn't understand how she could run it up when
    via u/Complex Subject_803
  • 22
    I was paying all living expenses 100 percent. She promised she would never run her balance again and if she did, she would tell me immediately. Never did. After
    via u/Complex Subject_803
  • 23
    we got married I had to pay them off 4 times, even though I was paying all the living expenses. Guess what happened when we got divorced? I had to pat 50
    via u/Complex Subject_803
  • 24
    percent of her $15,000 card card bill that she had hide from me. Take my advice. Don't become me. What She's doing is called financial infidelity
    via u/Complex Subject_803

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